(From a vaginal birth and formula feeding perspective.)

After having Teddy I felt under much more pressure to get back to my pre pregnancy self, to heal and recover so I could be the best mom possible to both Lily and Ted as soon as soon as I could, but at the same time I also realised that I needed to be a tad selfish in order to do that, not just physically but emotionally also. I didn’t step foot in to the kitchen for the whole of Ash’s paternity leave, I didn’t cook a single meal nor did I do a load of washing, the four of us pretty much lived in mine and Ash’s bedroom for the first two weeks as it was the comfiest and cosiest place to be. My body took a battering throughout Ted’s birth and it wasn’t until now that I realise just how simple Lily’s birth was in comparison, now I know that giving birth is never easy no matter what route your baby and body decide to take but despite Lily being premature I didn’t feel half as bad physically afterwards as I did with Teddy, and throughout this post you’ll see why (quit reading now if you really do not wish to know the harsh physical realities of giving birth ‘cos it isn’t a bit pretty!).

The first thing I had to recover from believe it or not was actually my achy arms. Despite being a mom already my body was in unknown terratory throughout Ted’s labour, I’d not birthed a full term baby before therefore I hadn’t experienced contractions as intense as these, I’d given up with the gas and air (I actually found it quite pointless!) as I felt like I was coping better with controlling my own breathing during contractions so whilst actively pushing I was pushing my arms down on to the bed – I’m not sure why, it didn’t help and I definitely don’t recommend it as it was taking up energy that I should have been putting in to pushing and I felt as though I’d been training arms at the gym for days after Ted was born. Fuck it hurt.

“Have I torn? and if so do I have to go to theatre?” before the midwives had mentioned anything I had a feeling that I had a tear but I was desperate not to be seperated from Teddy and Ash moments after giving birth. I had a second degree tear that luckily went no further and could be stitched up there and then. Whilst I was lay there being sewn back together I was wondering how this would differ from Lily’s recovery, I actually dreaded the first wee more because I thought it’d be worse with stitches in – WRONG. My first wee wasn’t half as bad as it was with Lily (I had grazed with her, no stitches aka an open wound), bathing was easier also and it wasn’t until speaking to my health visitor that she said it was because everything ‘down there’ was put back together as best as it could be by the stitches. I’d actually take a slight tear and stitches rather than just a graze and it being left to heal on its own because I did feel that my perineal area healed so much better. Obviously there is the self care needed at home to help the healing process along, avoiding infection etc and luckily I did. With how delicate and sensitive my skin was throughout pregnancy I didn’t want to use many products on my perineal area with my hormones still raging so I figured that bathing morning and night was the best thing to do, along with airing the area as much as possible… Ash did walk in the bedroom once whislt I was doing so and he couldn’t stop laughing, I looked like such a sight but it was much needed and I swear by doing this to help aid a healthy and comfortable healing process.

However, there is one product I did use on the days where I was a lot more sore and I swear by it, it’s an absolute hospital bag essential. I’d first heard about Spritz For Bits which costs more than double than Bottoms Up by the Natural Birthing Company and I couldn’t recommend it ENOUGH. I bought Bottoms Up out of desperation, 2 days post birth when sitting down was as painful as walking. I’d had lavender oil recommended to me a lot for after birth and that is one of the ingredients in Bottoms Up, along with witch hazel and arnica which are also highly recommended, so all relatively plant based ingredients meaning it’s not too harsh on the skin. It was nothing but a god send honestly, it helps relieve any discomfort from stitches, grazes, tears and haemorrhoids – the things nobody likes to talk about after birth but the thing a lot of us do have to recover from. For all the moms to be reading… get some to pop in to your hospital bag because I was desperate for some relief throughout the night feeds in the first couple of days before I came across this, it’s genius.

You can never forget just how painful it is when your milk comes in, the intense burn will stay with me forever, I think I’d rather have the fanny pain as I struggled so much. Something I did this time round that I didn’t do after Lils birth was putting cabbage leaves in the freezer, again I was left desperate for a little bit of relief and I just wanted to be able to hold my newborn properly. One thing I absolutely hate about waiting for your milk to dry up is not being able to sleep on your tummy, I am a proper tummy sleeper and after not being able to sleep comfortably for the best part of nine months all you are left wanting to do is roll about in bed, and you can’t! I’m not sure there is much (if anything) out there for the pain but breast pads (lots of them) and a couple of cabbages do provide a bit of relief.

As new mums we do have so much to recover from physically but that was the easiest part for me, recovering and adapting emotionally and mentally was much more intense. I know no two babies are ever the same but I didn’t expect things to be as different with Ted, Lily was fairly straight forward and chilled out in comparison and I just wasn’t as prepared. I was much more nervous for Ash’s paternity leave to finish this time round because I was so full of anxiety about how I’d cope alone with two young children who both rely on me so much. As a mom you do it, you find your second, third and fourth gears when needed and you get shit done but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t take its toll on your health mentally. I was a lot more drained, my days were becoming longer and nights shorter with no sign of us getting in to a routine any time soon, I was getting stressed out, restless and just a tad down, so much so I did reconsider anti depressants at one point. I cannot tell you just how important it is to talk if you ever begin to feel this way about motherhood because it only took one conversation with Ash to change things for me, the outcome of that one conversation bought structure to our lives and we had a new routine that was working for the four of us and within a couple of weeks Ted began sleeping through the night which meant I found more time for a bit of self love and sleep.

 My Top Tips

• Rest

Don’t push yourself to do anything before you feel able too, especially if like me, you have stitches. I was super fed up at times and had major cabin fever but the rest was needed to keep bleeding and irritation of the stitches at a minimum. I also carried on sleeping with a pillow between my legs as I had done towards the end of my pregnancy anyway, this did provide much comfort.

• Breathable/Cotton Underwear

I’m talking the huuuge granny pants that come up right up to your boobs, not only are they the comfiest they hold maternity pads in more secure than any other material and also help avoid infections due to them being breathable and less itchy. I did buy the throw away knickers but figured they’d be pointless and opted straight for the good old granny pants, I also sized up, I lost both bumps pretty quickly after birth and it’s each to their own but you still don’t want them clingy. Comfort is key.

• Regular Bathing & Air Drying

To begin with I’d rinse and have a 5 minute bathe after every wee and then air dry – aka lay on the bed as if I’m ready to give birth again with my legs wide open, not so glam but I swear by it as there was as little contact / irritation as possible then and my perineal area and stitches were kept clean in order to avoid infection, an alternative that I’ve also read a lot of women do is using the hair dryer on the cool setting!

• Drink Water

It’s not a myth, it does help in several ways. As water weakens the urine it doesn’t sting or irritate the perineal area as much making trips to the toilet as less painful as possible. Not only did I find that water helped with wee’ing, I found that getting in my full required intake daily along with eating regularly (I mentioned above that I didn’t step foot in the kitchen once whilst Ash was on paternity leave so it wasn’t always as healthy as could be but it was the regular three meals a day!). I’m not actually sure what the suggested intake of water per day is for an adult as I’ve read a couple of different ones but I was drinking between 1.5 and 2 litres per day and it helped give me the ‘get up and go’ on my more tired days after very little sleep and it helped my skin as raging hormones continued to make it SHOCKING.

• Pain Relief Medication

I’m not a big tablet taker and I’ll avoid it unless it’s absolutely needed but I wasn’t going to shy away from it after birth, especially with stitches. Alternating between paracetamol and ibuprofen did help. Also remembering that if you are perscribed any pain relief medications then they are given for a reason so definitely take them!

• Loungewear

I didn’t pick my skinny jeans out of the wardrobe until Teddy was 4 months old, I think loungewear and comfy pyjamas are pretty self explanatory as they’re comfort clothing anyway. When I wasn’t in my pyjamas I was doing the school run in leggings and a baggy tee, and I still wear my maternity nighties now!